Lost Poems from High School: Paradox

It’s a constant buzzing.
I want to be myself inside and out
I can’t tell if I’m hiding, am I? I think we’re all hiding
I’m living in a paradox
Meditating, I feel like an awkward imposter trying to relax with an absent mind, ridding myself of the consciousness I feel all the time
The critic is always sarcastic and closed, making fun of the intimacy of the world.
The innocent love the world and they’re never afraid or ashamed. They play and enjoy, they’re not faking anything.
I feel asleep with a busy mind.
I’m embarrassed and I don’t know why
I want to be but I don’t.
I feel like I’m floating in a fog and no one can really see me
and I can’t really be here.
When we’re grown it seems we feel restricted and
only gifted with reputations.
There’s cursing inside my head,
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today,
I’m frustrated, angry for no reason.
What kind of poison is this?
Maybe I’m just tired.
There’s something I wanted to say,
But I’m living on a slippery slope.
I keep quiet while you wait
for me to show you who I am.
I don’t know who I am!
My feelings, I can’t organize them.
Let’s withdraw from this situation.


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