Sitting next to people
Strangers riding on their own soundscapes
In their own waves of emotion
Their own worlds
Islands of stories I wouldn’t understand
What are they going through?
Those serious eyes are so far away
A distance no one can see
You blend in at first
With all the other ghosts
I used to know you
I used to know everything about you
You contrast with the
Busy colorful world around you
An ancient photograph
Glowing bright from the past
A sepia toned stranger
A foreign presence in my life
Alienly wandering in a planet
That no longer belongs to you
The clock hands quiver
With a wisper from the past
Time stands still
Slow motion, backwards, parallel
Fading in and out
From you and the here and now
A confused euphoria
Of how we’ve come so far
I don’t even know who you are
How the distance was made clear
By you simply standing there
And as smoothly as you appeared
You gracefully disappear
What does your heart sound like
Does she sound like moonlight?
Soft and cool, silent and peaceful?
Or does she sound like spring?
Warm and sweet, delicate and soft?
What does your heart sound like?
Is she telling you what to do?
Or is she shyly waiting in the corner?
Hands in her lap.
Does she speak in words or in thoughts?
Or does she speak in drifting waves that make you smile?
What does your heart sound like?
My superpowers are useless
I can be blind folded and find you
In a deep forest of 10,000 people but
It wouldn’t mean a thing
It doesn’t mean a thing
My heart is a magnet
Psychic and stupid
It attracts what it wants to see
Dragging in situations hopelessly
You’re everything I don’t want
But I see you everywhere
You don’t seem to care but I swear
I thought I saw you look for me
But you are perfectly indifferent
That’s the way you are
The way you want it to be
Unaware of the sonar I was following
Pulled by an invisible rope
A long sticky band aide
Too stuck to come off clean
Wondering if you’ll take over places that used to be mine
Suddenly I see you, there you are
Turning me into an outsider
A stowaway in your life
Run away! I save myself the chance
To see your glance
Wishing I could ponder, admire what I see
You look different, I wish I didn’t like it
Praying there isn’t someone else to stare back at me and wonder who I am
Or who I was
Maybe I should have cried more
Figure out the feelings that wormed their way inside of me more
Would these superpowers go away?
I want them to stay
Wish they weren’t useless
Wish I could let them take me
On serendipitous journeys and unknown lands
A place that’s safe and mysterious
Where we show our hearts in our hands
Wish I could believe in magic and luck
I wish it was more than indifference getting me stuck
Dizzy and stumbling
Trying to find the ground
After putting my world
In someone else’s hands.
Rising and falling
Back to reality
Not sure what to feel
What to do
Was it a dream?
Are you still there?
Where was I?
Are you anything more than a passerby?
Letting you go, pretending you’re not there
Doesn’t feel fair
I wonder what you’re feeling
If you feel any withdrawal at all
I wonder if any feeling I feel
Is real at all.
I don’t believe in my own longings
I fight myself all the time.
Out of sight out of mind
Blinded by my feelings
Chasing your shadow.
Looking over the hills speckled with
Couples and city lights
Arm stretched along the back of a bench
A vacancy left to rest
Time traveling inside headphones
A lonely current felt between the beats
Your body is heavy
An emptiness filled with peace
And it takes your breath away
Just before dropping
You dare to hold on
The rush of wind in your lungs
Freeing you from yourself
Letting it all go
Feeling your heart flutter and race
As you plunge in the wonder of this vast abyss
The sparkling deep blue
Flowing up and down
Together and forever
Over and under
Sharing you there
I’ll hold you there
In the embrace of the night sky
Your spirit elevated
As light as a tear
I’ll hold you there
In our one and only time here
I went on a walk with Destiny to get outside of myself, my mind, my restlessness, do something good. I found a son grown into a young and thoughtful man helping his father put up Christmas lights. I felt his calm presence, so mature that I found myself feeling younger than him and wanting to model him by slowing down my pace, being mindful of Destiny and my breath and the world around me. I found a teenage girl playing basketball with a heavy set middle aged man with Down Syndrome. Reminded me when I felt my best, compassionate and responsible. I thought if I was in San Francisco I would somehow have the courage to talk to them. I felt so nosey. Were they related? Was she volunteering? I realized that even I wasn’t that close to my uncle or other adults in my extended family. I felt guilty.
A 6 year old brother and an 8 year old sister on bikes and scooters wanted to pet Destiny. They said how it was going to rain and were thinking how they’ll avoid walking in wet shoes all day since they don’t have rain-boots. I said how lucky they were to do art and write stories and how when they’re my age, they’ll look back at their old work and say, “Wow! I was such a cool kid because I made this!” Then the little boy said, “You can do it as an adult too. Just get some paper and a pencil” and that tomorrow it will be a perfect day because it will be raining. I said that will be great because I could draw and write a story about the squirrel who threw a leaf at me. The girl mentioned that a bird threw a rock at her which started a conversation about penguins using rocks to make their nests. The girl thought I was in high school but I told her I’m in college but I haven’t talked to kids for a while so I start to talk like a kid when I’m around them, which makes me seem younger. The girl smiled at this; the boy looked confused. It was so nice to get out of the box, out of my comfort zone, and into the world, being the person I want to be.