Journal Entries · Photos

Week 3: 1/16/17

This week was a big week for everyone. The inauguration and protests were huge historical events. I loved how the rain revealed and strengthened the determination and passion of everyone involved with the march. I saw a lot of creative messages like “Tweet others how you’d like to be tweeted,” “A woman’s place is with the resistance” and “We’re only going to get browner, queerer, louder, stronger and watch the dinosaurs die away.” It was inspiring to see the vast ocean of people in all directions and how smoothly and peacefully it was all organized. Kids, families, pets were all there. It was invigorating and emotional, a wake up call to be ready to protect what’s important to us.

I was a little bit better with sleeping this week. Instead of going to bed at midnight every night I went to bed at midnight for two nights, at 11pm for two nights, 11:45pm for two nights and late night that was more like 1am for one night. I still need to turn the bed time ritual into a habit but I realized having a large pillow on my chest and stomach under the layers of comforters really relaxed me and made it easier to sleep.

I’m still doing the drawing once a day challenge! Lately they have been more quick and sloppy because of time so my goal has been to at least hit the bare minimum of just getting something out there. So I haven’t used the enveloping technique as much. I drew some of my drawings this week from photos of people from this website called that my friend showed me. They have photos and movies of dancers, martial artists, and acrobats that you can draw. It’s really good for practicing epic figure drawing! It inspired me to look into classes at Circus Circus like cyr wheel, lyra, hooping, aerial silks, and bungee dance.

Also my friend and I went to a figure drawing class but unfortunately the model didn’t show up. It would be great to get that practice every so often because how you see things in person is different than how you see things photographed. It’s harder and provides more potential for growth through the challenge.

This week was the first week of my art class! I learned how to access the online portion of the class and started reading posts and introducing myself on the forums. Looks like I’m going to have a busy semester. Every couple weeks a big project is due that will give me a hands-on understanding on a specific design concept. On the first day in class we got to paint with found objects (feathers, leaves, cuetips, pipe cleaners, etc.) on large butcher paper while listening to music with a process oriented intent. This coming week we are going to frame a  small portion of what we painted and then critique and talk about why we framed what we framed. 

Only went to the gym once but I walked a lot this week during work and during the marches so at least I was moving somewhat. I had three days in a row where I walked  two hours straight. And I’m starting this week right by going to the gym for two and half hours on Monday (80 minutes cardio, 50 minutes of strengthing, 20 minutes stretching).

Sushiritto, pupusas, Duper Duper veggie burger, and Arizmendi pizza were the four meals I went out for this week, but I cooked this week too to make up for it.

Delicata squash, ramen with egg, roasted hazelnuts and almonds, hummus, crackers and Swiss cheese were snacks I made and had. I love delicata squash! It’s my new found favorite! And snacks are the best. I think I need them little meals throughout the day so I don’t over do it. 

I met with friends for three days this week. I haven’t seen one friend for over six months and another in over a year and was able to catch up and play Bananagrama with them. Also the march brought my work, samba and college friends all in one place, which was tricky to coordinate but cool to see! 

I haven’t mentioned anything about work this year but so far in the past month with my clients I’ve played indoor basketball, had two long walks (including a scavenger hunt) across various neighborhoods of the city, read in the park, helped make orzo pasta and polenta lasagne, and acted as a giraffe lost in space in the first day of drama class. The year is off to a good start.

I’m on my third comic book from that pile of nine. This past week I read the first volume of Wicked and Divine and am now in the middle of the second one. The way the artists use the panels and express the emotions of the characters is very clever and creative and surprising. Like showing a map of a weekend concert with the main character’s comments all over it about what things have happened there or a photo sequence showing the perception of the character as she is slowly experiencing being drugged. The colors in the art is very neon like it’s an adult Lisa Frank book. I’m learning a lot about world mythology and celebrities by taking the time to look up all the connections in the comic online. I enjoy the strength and attitude in all the characters and how diverse they are in their races and sexual orientations. It’s a little hard to follow all the characters so sometimes I’m lost but somehow I’m still pulled in and enjoying it. I’m excited to see who I’ll meet next and what will happen.

As always, goals for next week:

• Draw figures using the envelope technique.

• At least start getting ready for bed at 9pm or as soon as I get home.

• Look at my online class 3-4 times a week.

• Read another comic or two.

• Have 2-3 days where I go to the gym.

• Go out to eat only for 2-3 days.

• Start writing again: a journal entry, a poem, and a snippet of a fiction story

Photos · Poems


I wish I never had to sleep
That I never got tired
Or worried about mortality
I wish I could get it all done
Fit it all in
That I could do whatever I want
Sleep would be so much sweeter
Knowing I had my fill
Knowing nothing was put off
Checking out at closing time
Not when the music turns on
Let me be invincible
And dance the night away
Let me be a night owl
Let my inspiration not stray
Get rid of my limitations
Inhibitions and weaknesses
Get rid of my fear and constraints
The struggle for structure
Balance and peace
Let go of my mind
And all that makes me human
Maybe that way I’ll find
Endless waterfalls of
Energy and time

Journal Entries

11 Years of Thoughtprints

Have you read Big Foot’s book? It’s really good. It can be quite moving at times. His feet have gone through so much. And walking through a world where no one even thinks you exist…it’s sad. Lockness can definitely relate. That’s why they’re homies.

Unnatural and strange, his presence alters how I stand.

Crumbling mobility, brewing bitterness with a rattling breath of vulnerability. Creaking walls cracking hourglasses, doors shut, air is still,water dries.

I see the spider move in a windy web of dripping dew, open to the world, sparkling cool, shivering and scared of falling bravely down.

Where did the grown-ups go? Don’t let them be sad, the memories are still in the making and they can’t let stuff burn in the oven.

Me: “What time are you leaving?”

Muni 29 Bus Driver: “In two minutes.”

Me: “Oh, okay, I was considering walking.”

Driver: “In the rain?”

Me: “Yeah! I’ve been cooped up inside all day.”

Driver: “Well, they say the rain washes away the bad.”

Sat in the corner to eat bread and perhaps call people. Blue wig woman walks by telling me she’s a hacker-mom hosting a booth at “Bazaar Bazaar.” Couple minutes later another lady walks by asking me if I knew where the bazaar was. I point and say, “That way.” Couple minutes later, I start following.

The homeless in the Mission stand in line for food. A man and woman sing together in a tribal Latin chant. Birds circling in harmony to the music over the streets and people in the dim twilight of the setting sun.

I talked to Derrick, a 40 year old black man with a cane and a jutting tooth. He sat across from me on the bus and was on the phone mentioning that he just got done seeing the psychologist. I looked up from my journal and smiled at him, but went back to my journal feeling that I was being nosy. When he hung up, he asked if I got done with school. I told him I’m just writing in my journal. He liked that. It looked like he was wondering if there was hope for himself in that book. He studied theater and was in a couple movies with Denzel Washington and spent 4 years in Hollywood. He was able to function and thrive but in his 30’s a doctor told him he has paranoia. It seemed like he felt betrayed or confused because he was able to function just fine before being categorized. “Psychologist admit patients only with a diagnosis,” he says. “I am real with him, which gives him more experience with people and helps him learn.” In attempt to clarify his point I said, “Because some people may just want to tell him what he wants to hear.”

I come out of a restless dark room. The flutter of the sun softens every edge I see. A friendly haze shapes my frolicking thoughts and feelings and changes them from what they were in the cold mind molding cave I was in. Free to be what I was.

The pink sound of my 6 year old imaginary sister awoke me from my dream. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on the couch. It’s just that it’s hard to keep conversation with the sand man. The cloudy, powdery smell of his dusty clothes drifted me away.

It’s embarrassing when people see me sleep. Limp and pale with my jaw hanging loosely, not to mention delusional slurs of sleep-talking. Sleeping beauty, here I am.

I feel like the mirror you use to kiss yourself with.

Doing time travel in my mind. The season is back but there is no such thing as calendars. Feelings are remembered. They could be repeated if I let them, like a bad habit.

There are things inside of us that only love can discover.

What would happen if air particles didn’t move? Would air become solid?

Stars dreaming that they will meet the sun, not realizing that they are both composed of the same light.