Poems

Lost Poems from High School: Night Ride

Under the dark sky, a forlorn road in the middle of nowhere,
Night time countryside, winding through the shadows,
The glow of deep blue,
Swooping through nothingness, kind understanding,
Comforting, a good dream,
Stars gliding above,
We’re safe here tonight,
So cool and warm.
Taken away, riding on our synchronized melodies,
The world is our best friend,
Chased by daylight,
We will never know, never know
In the car with spirits soaring so far in the deep sky.
No distance from what’s real,
Evening silence, morning light.
Sweet time fades into the passing day.

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Poems

Lost Poems from High School: Paradox

It’s a constant buzzing.
I want to be myself inside and out
I can’t tell if I’m hiding, am I? I think we’re all hiding
I’m living in a paradox
Meditating, I feel like an awkward imposter trying to relax with an absent mind, ridding myself of the consciousness I feel all the time
The critic is always sarcastic and closed, making fun of the intimacy of the world.
The innocent love the world and they’re never afraid or ashamed. They play and enjoy, they’re not faking anything.
I feel asleep with a busy mind.
I’m embarrassed and I don’t know why
I want to be but I don’t.
I feel like I’m floating in a fog and no one can really see me
and I can’t really be here.
When we’re grown it seems we feel restricted and
only gifted with reputations.
There’s cursing inside my head,
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today,
I’m frustrated, angry for no reason.
What kind of poison is this?
Maybe I’m just tired.
There’s something I wanted to say,
But I’m living on a slippery slope.
I keep quiet while you wait
for me to show you who I am.
I don’t know who I am!
My feelings, I can’t organize them.
Let’s withdraw from this situation.

Drawings · Poems

Perfectly Indifferent

My superpowers are useless
I can be blind folded and find you
In a deep forest of 10,000 people but
It wouldn’t mean a thing
It doesn’t mean a thing
My heart is a magnet
Psychic and stupid
It attracts what it wants to see
Dragging in situations hopelessly
You’re everything I don’t want
But I see you everywhere
You don’t seem to care but I swear
I thought I saw you look for me
But you are perfectly indifferent
That’s the way you are
The way you want it to be

Too auspicious
This happenstance
Unaware of the sonar I was following
Pulled by an invisible rope
A long sticky band aide
Too stuck to come off clean
Wondering if you’ll take over places that used to be mine
Suddenly I see you, there you are
Turning me into an outsider
A stowaway in your life
Run away! I save myself the chance
To see your glance
Wishing I could ponder, admire what I see
You look different, I wish I didn’t like it
Praying there isn’t someone else to stare back at me and wonder who I am
Or who I was

Maybe I should have cried more
Talked more
Figure out the feelings that wormed their way inside of me more
Would these superpowers go away?
I want them to stay
Wish they weren’t useless
Wish I could let them take me
On serendipitous journeys and unknown lands
A place that’s safe and mysterious
Where we show our hearts in our hands
Wish I could believe in magic and luck
I wish it was more than indifference getting me stuck

Photos · Poems

Blinded


Dizzy and stumbling
Trying to find the ground
After putting my world
In someone else’s hands.

Rising and falling
Back to reality
Not sure what to feel
What to do
Where…how…
Was it a dream?
Are you still there?
Where was I?
Are you anything more than a passerby?

Letting you go, pretending you’re not there
Doesn’t feel fair
I wonder what you’re feeling
If you feel any withdrawal at all
I wonder if any feeling I feel
Is real at all.

I don’t believe in my own longings
I fight myself all the time.
Out of sight out of mind
Walking around
Blinded by my feelings
Chasing your shadow.

Photos · Poems

Like Lightning


Too long not chasing this bright pulse
Too long avoiding the rain
Ride this storm out
Ride it out
You and me
Connected in a flowing ever changing web
Of molecules and experiences
Coincidences that never stop
A deep unknowing
A vague understanding
We feel it out
We swim it through
Captivated by what we must do
We chase then hide
Curling up, sleeping it away
And suddenly we feel the kick start
Of our beating heart
And hope it isn’t too late
To seize this breathing wonder
Before all our fireflies drift away
Wondering if it’ll ever be okay
Wondering if it’ll all be alright
Wondering if I’m awake enough
To embrace the space
Between the earth and sky
And strike a little light in the world tonight.