Week 1: 1/1/17

I’m happy that in the first week of the year I read two comics. It’s been so rainy and cozy, it was perfect! I read Blankets and This One Summer, which were both coming of age books but with characters that had different ages and genders. I hardly ever allow myself the time to just delve into fiction. It was so refreshing to be away from a screen but witness art and emotion and nostalgia flowing through pages. What’s also great is that I feel like I’m starting to bond with people through a medium I’ve hardly been exposed to and it’s really fun to feel their excitement! For example after sharing what I have been reading, my housemates surprised me by kindly and generously letting me borrow a large pile of 9 comic books! So cool!

It was also invigoratingly relaxing to listen to Invisibilia while coloring in  a coloring book. I felt like I was getting back in touch with my love of learning about how people are impacted so much by such seemingly subtle or banal things like clothes, categories and the orientation toward solution finding.

Going to a poetry reading was also a great experience! It was interesting to see what other poets wrote about and where they get inspiration and how simple things can trigger some strong emotions. There were many different styles of poems each read in a unique way, some conversational, some angry, some desperate, some sarcastic, some flowy. This poetry reading happens every second Sunday of the month. Maybe next time I’ll prepare my courage and some poems to share too!

I emailed 3-4 people this week to get the ball rolling in gaining some work experience working with children with disabilities this year. One of which is an OT and another is a Recreation Therapist. Crossing. Crossing my fingers!

I spent time with family and friends 4 times this week and talked on the phone 3 times as well with different friends and family. I also talked to my housemates a bit as you can tell from the comic book windfall I described earlier. It’s important for me to connect and keep the friendships I have going strong but also to find a balance with that and the time I need for myself and the things I want to do. Last week worked out really well!

I got to explore Davis a bit and see the arboretum with its hidden cactus, donkeys and River She-Oaks. I also wandered with my mom into a pretty Waldorf school that had all these hand painted tiles made by the students. We spent a long time looking at each one. Next to it there was a really rich neighborhood of Southwestern and Middle Eastern looking mansions. They were fortresses and castles and each had nicknames posted in front that gave them even more personality. They even had their own private park to have barbecues and play volleyball in! It was pretty surprising to see how there is always something more to discover.

I went out to eat three times, which was really yummy but kind of pricey. I want to try to make that go down to one time a week.

On the other hand, I only went to the gym once this week. I’d like to at least triple that. 😛

I only posted one photo and didn’t write any poems or other pieces this week. I didn’t make a habit of writing in my journal each day this week either. But I did draw a quick 5-minute comic of a situation I witnessed, which I felt really good about. It felt like a step in a positive and rewarding direction and it gave me hope. I also played around briefly with making stop motion videos with wooden blocks with my mom. Another little reminder of possibilities and things that are rewarding to me.

I did some boring maintenance stuff like cleaning out my email and unsubscribing to things. I renewed my NBCOT certification. I did laundry a couple times. This coming week I hope to get some more boring things done like making dentist appointments and possibly making an appointment to get my professional rescuers CPR certification renewed. But mostly I hope to go to bed earlier! I noticed that I was going to bed at past midnight most nights last week. There is a lot of room for change here. I know this would help me feel more motivated, energized and focused on my goals and feel better about life in general.

On that note, I think I’ll put my money where my mouth is and actually make an effort to go to bed earlier by making these weekly blogs cover just the basics and stopping here. I hope to write more about what I learn, experience, and improve upon each week throughout the year and continue to experiment with writing little blogs like this.

42 New Years Resolutions – The Problem of Being an Overly Ambitious Creative Person

  1. Spend the whole year without buying gifts and making all gifts and cards by hand.
  2. Cook all my meals instead of buying them and only buy meals when I’m with a friend.
  3. Writing in my journal after work each day.
  4. Be at the gym by 5:15pm.
  5. Each day write or talk about the 3 most amazing things that happened in my day.
  6. Thank bus drivers, bankers, grocery clerks, and service people in general and ask them questions about how they are and get to know them as people. Be more receptive and friendly and let myself have a moment with people I may not know that well or could get to know more.
  7. Read more graphic novels.
  8. Play more party games.
  9. Do more spontaneous things after work.
  10. Spend more time out by myself.
  11. Draw one drawing, write one creative piece, and take one photo a day on days that I’m not too busy.
  12. Draw comics and make stop motions a couple times a month.
  13. Transition from writing poems to writing songs. Maybe perform them one day.
  14. Practice feeling comfortable singing in my room songs that like and songs that I write, maybe take singing classes again.
  15. Find someone who likes making electronic music who may want to collaborate with me once I’m brave enough.
  16. Volunteer to work with children with disabilities.
  17. Listen to podcasts and books on tape while coloring my coloring books.
  18. Take dance and martial art classes.
  19. Listen to music more often and get Spotify.
  20. Ask my housemates how they are doing more and share food and fun times with them.
  21. Organize fun events and get togethers without spending money.
  22. Have a routine that creates a natural rhythm to go to sleep between 10:00pm and 10:30pm.
  23. Focus on the present and don’t let the past or my fears  or any other distractions get the best of me.
  24. Talk less. Listen, read, learn and produce more.
  25. Speak more directly, concisely, honestly from the heart and have diamond shaped thoughts and conversations.
  26. Go to Toast Masters and practice speaking in public.
  27. Read my poems at an open mic night.
  28. Talk to my dad consistently, maybe write down his stories.
  29. Eat food that is more protein and fat and nutritional focused and have less carbs, sugar and starch.
  30. Take better care of my back by carrying less weight, laying on my back each day, stretching, core strengthening, using electronic devices less, using ergonomic stands or equipment if I do use devices, and having better posture.
  31. Have an intention and theme of the day and see how the day may act as a Tarot card in motion for me with lessons to learn and things to know.
  32. Use more natural and soothing products that has good smells and gives me vitamins or probiotics and leaves me feeling more happy and relaxed about how my body feels.
  33. Create soothing environments with pretty music, lights and candles.
  34. Create my own affirmation Tarot cards, felt animals, journals, bookmarks, and stickers. Maybe sell them on Etsy.
  35. Read books about mindfulness and positive psychology.
  36. Go to meetups, book clubs, dance clubs, and meet people and share things.
  37. Go on long walks in the hills while listening to music. Go to parks and nature, be with trees and see grand views.
  38. Make a list of 30 acts of kindness to do in the month approaching my birthday.
  39. Travel with my mom.
  40. Rent a place with friends for a weekend or a week getaway. Tahoe, Maui, Sante Fe, Grand Canyon, San Diego, Toronto…these are possibilities.
  41. Actually buy tickets or have a date in mind to see my dad.
  42. Hula hoop at Dolores Park again.

Beauty and Noise

The smell of plastic wrap
And CD cases
Old linoleum floors
Under squeaky converse laces
Holding the song in my hands
Excited to listen whenever
Excited to discover more
No more elusive mysteries slipping in and out of coffee shop doors
What other emotions and atmospheric worlds are in store?
Curious to finally see the lyrics
Curious to see the pictures inside
Wondering who they are, how they look like
The faces that hide behind the voices that bring me to life

They pile in the corner of my room
4 sided symbols of the past and all that’s in between
Collecting who I am and where I’ve been
Collecting the heartaches and friendships
The phases, fads and memories
Songs holding our names, our identities
Classifying you and me
Bringing us together
Bringing us apart
An art that’s more than beauty and noise
An art that gave us freedom of choice

It was a culture, a definition, a destination
It was dance, it was image
It was clothes, it was language

It was an extension of what lay underneath
It was an extension of you and me

Flickering


The comfort of the morning sun
The familiar trees and homes in my neighborhood
It was you
The safety and comfort of you
You gave me joy and peace of mind
You inspired the soft voice that helps me rhyme
It’s feeling you there
Obliviously as I ride through my day
Not knowing you’re in the back of my heart and mind
Not knowing you’re deeply spread all around

I only know when the light has gone away
When I shiver from the cold
The blue shadows, the grey cement
The crying lonely ache

Sometimes they are still there
The sunlit creamy warm hues
The bright green leaves and shiny grass
I remember
A candle lit
Trying to survive
Shivering, flickering
Through the wind and rain
Bracing destruction and change
Without being hurt or slain
Letting the hot wax drip down my veins
Sometimes I remember

Quiet Song


I want to live again without a screen
I want to write in a notebook
Instead of a phone
I want to curl up with a book
Not with social media
I want to look out a window
Not a screen
I want my attention steady, unfolding
Flowing and deep
Not flat, broken, and thin
As thin as this screen
I want my attention, my focus
As deep as the horizon
Nature, animals, flickering sunlight
The silence in the morning
A silence that makes you feel it
That makes you feel the distant fading hills
The silence that makes you hear it
How broadly life stretches beyond you
You feel part of it and then
Overwhelmed
With loneliness
Because it’s been so long and you feel so far removed
And you can never get close enough
And everything
The thoughts, people, stress, business, entertainment and distraction
It’s all gone
And all you have is this moment
That fills you up
And you love it so much
That you miss it
Because you know you can never have what you truly love
And you feel every ounce that you can feel
Is never enough
And you feel this constant yearning to return to truth and existing
A state of mind
A state of reverence
A state of awareness
That we are mostly blind to see
We see so little
Of the connecting strings between the masses of dots
Their impact on the whole, on the web of reality
Life, death, beauty, love, wind, light, water, seasons, trees, ancient traditions, temples
The weight of history
The pressure and pulse of the present
The pull and tug of the future
Constantly and subtly trying to shift its weight
Feeling life’s movement through time
A dance
But also a quiet song
That weeps with love
A lonely sweet kindness

Crystal 


I want to know what it’s like
To feel cool and clean
Fresh and small
To see without a history
To be a mirror
A crystal ball
To feed all that’s alive
Bringing life
Vitality
And being open
Unassuming
Free and flowing
Curious and self-contained
Full of energy
The pitter patter of rain
Full of simplicity
Oceans of oxygen and light
Reflecting what it sees
In the sky

Answers

The answer is not getting home early
It’s not getting things done
It’s getting lost in a song
And letting it take you
To the ocean
It’s about getting off the bus
To go chase the sun
It’s about spending time with
The neighborhood cat
Instead of always
Being on the run
Drift through the avenues
As your wheels spin
Watch rays of light
On the cars glisten
Feel your shirt flutter
As you grace
A suburban hill
Full of dreams and pastels
Float between
The daily routine
With a new freedom
Let your feelings
Guide your wings
Watch the seagulls
Dance in the sky
Feel moved
By a passerby
Sand blowing in the air
Seeing footprints disappear
People walking
Playing catch with their dogs
Looking to the horizon
With their own dialogues
Sun winking
Wind playing in hair
Take a deep breath
And let go of your cares

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