Photos · Poems

Passerby

Sitting next to people
Strangers riding on their own soundscapes
In their own waves of emotion
Their own worlds
Islands of stories I wouldn’t understand
What are they going through?
Those serious eyes are so far away
A distance no one can see

You blend in at first
With all the other ghosts
I used to know you
I used to know everything about you
You contrast with the
Busy colorful world around you
An ancient photograph
Glowing bright from the past
A sepia toned stranger
A foreign presence in my life
Alienly wandering in a planet
That no longer belongs to you
The clock hands quiver
With a wisper from the past
Time stands still
Slow motion, backwards, parallel
Fading in and out
From you and the here and now
A confused euphoria
Of how we’ve come so far
I don’t even know who you are
How the distance was made clear
By you simply standing there
And as smoothly as you appeared
You gracefully disappear

Advertisements
Drawings · Poems

Perfectly Indifferent

My superpowers are useless
I can be blind folded and find you
In a deep forest of 10,000 people but
It wouldn’t mean a thing
It doesn’t mean a thing
My heart is a magnet
Psychic and stupid
It attracts what it wants to see
Dragging in situations hopelessly
You’re everything I don’t want
But I see you everywhere
You don’t seem to care but I swear
I thought I saw you look for me
But you are perfectly indifferent
That’s the way you are
The way you want it to be

Too auspicious
This happenstance
Unaware of the sonar I was following
Pulled by an invisible rope
A long sticky band aide
Too stuck to come off clean
Wondering if you’ll take over places that used to be mine
Suddenly I see you, there you are
Turning me into an outsider
A stowaway in your life
Run away! I save myself the chance
To see your glance
Wishing I could ponder, admire what I see
You look different, I wish I didn’t like it
Praying there isn’t someone else to stare back at me and wonder who I am
Or who I was

Maybe I should have cried more
Talked more
Figure out the feelings that wormed their way inside of me more
Would these superpowers go away?
I want them to stay
Wish they weren’t useless
Wish I could let them take me
On serendipitous journeys and unknown lands
A place that’s safe and mysterious
Where we show our hearts in our hands
Wish I could believe in magic and luck
I wish it was more than indifference getting me stuck

Photos · Poems

Blinded


Dizzy and stumbling
Trying to find the ground
After putting my world
In someone else’s hands.

Rising and falling
Back to reality
Not sure what to feel
What to do
Where…how…
Was it a dream?
Are you still there?
Where was I?
Are you anything more than a passerby?

Letting you go, pretending you’re not there
Doesn’t feel fair
I wonder what you’re feeling
If you feel any withdrawal at all
I wonder if any feeling I feel
Is real at all.

I don’t believe in my own longings
I fight myself all the time.
Out of sight out of mind
Walking around
Blinded by my feelings
Chasing your shadow.

Journal Entries

Circa 2012

I went on a walk with Destiny to get outside of myself, my mind, my restlessness, do something good. I found a son grown into a young and thoughtful man helping his father put up Christmas lights. I felt his calm presence, so mature that I found myself feeling younger than him and wanting to model him by slowing down my pace, being mindful of Destiny and my breath and the world around me. I found a teenage girl playing basketball with a heavy set middle aged man with Down Syndrome. Reminded me when I felt my best, compassionate and responsible. I thought if I was in San Francisco I would somehow have the courage to talk to them. I felt so nosey. Were they related? Was she volunteering? I realized that even I wasn’t that close to my uncle or other adults in my extended family. I felt guilty.

A 6 year old brother and an 8 year old sister on bikes and scooters wanted to pet Destiny. They said how it was going to rain and were thinking how they’ll avoid walking in wet shoes all day since they don’t have rain-boots. I said how lucky they were to do art and write stories and how when they’re my age, they’ll look back at their old work and say, “Wow! I was such a cool kid because I made this!” Then the little boy said, “You can do it as an adult too. Just get some paper and a pencil” and that tomorrow it will be a perfect day because it will be raining. I said that will be great because I could draw and write a story about the squirrel who threw a leaf at me. The girl mentioned that a bird threw a rock at her which started a conversation about penguins using rocks to make their nests. The girl thought I was in high school but I told her I’m in college but I haven’t talked to kids for a while so I start to talk like a kid when I’m around them, which makes me seem younger. The girl smiled at this; the boy looked confused. It was so nice to get out of the box, out of my comfort zone, and into the world, being the person I want to be.

 

Photos · Poems

The Space

 
The space between us
Cycling through
Invisible and unknown
Affecting all that we do
Unfolding, changing
Numbers reasoning
Ignorantly predicting
The how, the X
The question
The connection
Possibility, probability
The universe’s dominos
It’s surrounding us
Moving air and sound
Dancing, unpredictable and free
The space holds all that could be

Photos · Poems

Best Friend

 She’s thirteen
And laughing so hard
The changes she found
Forever inside her
Waking up early
Conversations fluttering
She can say anything
She’s found her friend
Together, inseparable
Faces hurting
Smiling at everything
It’s all related
Filtered through
A ridiculous lense
Pigeons walking intensely
Building suspense
With the soundtrack in their heads.
Someone gets her
Understands her
Inspires her
The relishing, the sharing
The capacity
To be there happily
Enthusiasm for life
Indulged again and again.